Day Eighty Six

I still make mistakes in recovery, and that’s ok. After a particular blow up in a romantic relationship, where I made a hasty decision that resulted in the opposite outcome I called a friend who had significantly more time than me, to lament over the fact that I’ve been doing all this work and I still don’t have it all worked out.

He said to me, with laughter: “When did you think you’d start making good decisions?”

It brought some much-needed levity to the situation, and got me thinking that whilst a lot of my choices were better, they weren’t always right. And that’s ok. We are imperfect humans, albeit with tools and awareness now.

Just because we don’t use alcohol as a fix-all for our problems doesn’t mean we won’t come across problems, and doesn’t mean we’re always going to know exactly what to do. It doesn’t mean we won’t face consequences. The consequences are very different from my consequences of drinking. Sometimes they are more frustrating, because I get annoyed that here I am doing my best and it doesn’t always go the way I wanted it to, or I make a mistake I have to apologise for.

But I handle it all better than I did when I was caught in my drinking loop, and I have the forgiveness for myself and others that means I can move forward.