Day Fifty Eight
It has been said in this companion before that we contain multitudes, which has been so important for me. I don’t have to be a static state of being, how I am now is not how I will be forever, and it is ok and natural to feel two things at the same time.
It is ok to be absolutely exhausted, close to the edge, as well as grateful you got to the end of the day. It’s ok to miss your drinking days on top of being profoundly grateful for your sobriety. It’s ok to take joy in the work as well as annoyed you have to do it. It’s the old cliché of choosing which wolf to feed. We are not one thing or another – we are a jangle of nerves powered by electricity in a universe we have no comprehension of.
It doesn’t mean we are broken, or our recovery isn’t strong. It simply means that being a human being is complicated – and we can actually find some enjoyment in the fact that we contain so much nuance. We can like two entirely different genres of music, we can be frustrated with someone we love deeply, it goes throughout everything. You can feel many things at the same time, and it doesn’t make you any less. Our emotions don’t define us – they are weather, we are the mountain.
How can you feel more at peace with the opposing forces inside you? Are there any contradictions that are quite enjoyable?
Three tiny things:
- Write a letter to yourself, saying something you need to say.
- Connect with a Champion today.
- Breathe consciously for two minutes. See what comes up.