Day Fifty Six

Day Fifty Six

I’m not trying to brag, but I’ve been in therapy for almost half my life. Yeah, I was one of those cool kids who got pulled into the guidance counsellor because I wore long sleeves in summer. I was a troubled kid from the start, and had issues with eating disorders and self-injury, so I was one of those people who therapy was a life saving endeavour.

It’s a cruel realisation, but I squandered a lot of the work I engaged with by reaching the border of a point of clarity, and finding it so unbearable I drank to make it go away. Or I wanted it to quickly and quit before the magic happened. I don’t beat myself up for it, because I do believe that you are ready for things when you are ready, and I just wasn’t ready yet – but it really informs how I move forward in therapy.

It informs how honest I am about my moods and actions in relation to alcohol – whether I was influenced to do something as a result of alcohol’s influence on me, whether my enormous hangover as a result of filling my body with a depressant may have something to do with my lows, and whether I’m ready to engage with the hard discussions of mending relationships where alcohol played a part.

It was as a result of being honest with a therapist about my relationship with alcohol that I got the help I needed, it was stressful, but therapy by its nature is a judgement-free zone, and the odds are they probably know already, and are waiting for when you are ready.

Writing prompt:

Could you benefit from being more honest with your therapist about alcohol? If you don’t have a therapist, is it something you can realistically look into?

Three tiny things:

- Consider your relationship with therapy, is there a new type of therapy you want to try? How can you better your relationship with your therapist?

- Go for a long bath or shower, make it luxurious somehow.

- Give yourself a little boost by calculating or just considering how much money you’ve saved, or spent on better things, from not drinking.