Day Forty Eight

Day Forty Eight

I am absolutely of the belief that joy and sadness are two sides of the same coin. In German there’s the idea of “Liebe und Liebesweh” – Love and Love’s Pain.

The idea that I had sadness had to be eliminated at all times drove me to drink. I thought it was my magical elixir, that would take my sadness away. I had to accept that like anger, it is a fact of life. It exists in balance with joy.

I didn’t have much balance with sadness. As a lifelong depression sufferer it felt like a pretty fucking uneven scale, and the intensity with which sadness afflicted me with made joy oftentimes absolutely impossible. Alcohol felt like it was numbing my sadness, and the fact of the matter was that it exacerbated my depression.

One of the scary things about sobriety and no chemical buffer was that it took my sadness to the forefront for a while, and I had to deal with it rather than drown it. Not drinking alcohol didn’t fix my depression, but it afforded me the strength to develop tools to treat it. It doesn’t mean I don’t get sad anymore, but the balance is a lot more tolerable. Alongside this, not driving my life into a small, miserable corner with my drunken behaviours means my life in general is less fucking depressing.

Writing prompt:

What is your relationship with sadness?

Three tiny things:

- Do something loving for yourself today.

- Do something loving for someone else.

- Get enough sleep.