Day Forty Five

Day Forty Five

After rediscovering my senses, I uncovered a lot of emotion. It was under a lot of numbness and confusion, in a constant flux. After getting words for my emotions outside of the blob of “this is too much”, and developing some fortitude to sit with them, I could start to experience them truly and without fear. This took a very long time to feel like a comfortable, tolerable experience.

My emotions come thick and fast, and usually they hit in the morning.

There’s a Persian proverb: Morning hours are borrowed from heaven. When I was drinking my mornings were characterised by checking my phone and trying to assess how much damage control was required, cursing the birds for singing so JOYFULLY when I had such a headache, and eventually trying to bat off the suicidal thoughts.

When I got sober and my body physically started to regulate, I actually discovered there were hours in this mysterious time called “morning” before I had to pull myself together and drag myself into the requirements of the day. Hours I could use and enjoy.

I use it as time to balance and settle my emotions with journaling, yoga, and some mindfulness activities. I set intentions for the day. I always, always stretch. I have a few hours to myself before I actively participate in the world at large.

Then I say to myself:
“What good can I do today?”

Writing prompt:

What are some things you want to incorporate into your morning routine?

Three tiny things:

- Write out some weekly aims

- Find five minutes of quiet today.

- Think of something loving to tell yourself every morning.