Day Forty Three

Day Forty Three

As a person from the UK living in America, when I was invited to my first Potluck I was bewildered and enticed by the thought. I was in active addiction, barely holding on, and living in a very self-centred universe – it never occurred to me that I had to bring something. Contribution for me was usually a symbol of “I’M DOING FINE THANK YOU VERY MUCH” or an attempt at people pleasing. Sometimes after a huge and worrying bender I would prepare a five-course meal to say “please love me again” for my friends. In this instance I did neither, I genuinely turned up to my first potluck, with nothing to offer.

I ask myself this question with my friendships, family relationships, work colleagues and romantic relationships. When I am upset at mistreatment or neglect, what am I offering? If I don’t feel part of something, how have I contributed? If I truly do this assessment, and I have done all I can to no avail, I can make the choice to keep trying or find a different party. But the uncomfortable truth was that for a lot of my relationships I was turning up empty handed with the expectation of being fed. I would show up to conversations and rant about the injustices in my life without a “how are you?” to offer. I would pull focus with my behaviours. I would only help with clean-up if it meant I got something in return.

The work I continue on my sobriety means I can bring things to the table, and whilst I have my moments where I need support, there is now an equilibrium in how much I give and how much I receive.

Writing prompt:

Simple, what are you bringing to the Potluck?

Three tiny things:

- Connect with a friend today.

- Take a quiet moment for yourself.

Watch something that makes you laugh.