When I got truthful with myself over the type of friend I was I was struck with shame and regret. It was this retroactive humiliation, that seemed absolutely irredeemable.
But our drunk escapades don’t have to end with the regret and hopelessness, now we get to take action and correct our behaviours. We can use this platform of honesty to decide what type of friend we want to be now we are sober.
The awareness of sobriety gave me the power and consistency to fulfil my promises as a friend. I can actually take care of my friends and their needs. My actions and behaviours don’t worry them. I can make the boundaries that sustain us. I can go on a night out without giving them the fear of God that I’m going to do something embarrassing or destructive.
I wanted my friends to see this immediately, I wanted them to instantly forgive and trust that now I was a stable and secure person who wouldn’t let them down. It was a hard truth that not everyone will understand or accept you immediately. They are going on the information they have – and for me, my track record was not good. Do not be upset that you are not immediately taken as a sober and stable person based on your word alone. Take the time and the action to show them who you are now. With actions, and change, they will eventually understand.
What sort of friend do you want to be? How can you move closer towards being that person?
Two tiny things:
- Tell yourself all the things you like about yourself whilst looking in the mirror.
- Look at your list of things you want in a friend, compare it with the sort of friend you want to be – and work out places where you can be a friend to yourself. When you start to berate yourself, consider whether you would you say that to a friend. Or would you identify it as hyper-critical nonsense, or offer some constructive criticism should there be truth in it?