Day Seventy Nine
A lot of things got better when I stopped drinking, but before I started doing the work, many things got worse. My thoughts, issues and behaviours that drinking obscured came to the surface, and it felt like a whack-a-mole of what came next.
As I discussed with the entry on depression, sobriety brought things to the forefront, and the work involves learning how to deal with it. Alongside depression I realised I had a strange relationship with sex and intimacy. I started to notice the voice of my eating disorder again. I wanted to immediately fix everything that came up that was challenging to me.
We don’t have to do everything in one day. We’re never “finished” and there is no arrival point – it’s always shifting as we shift. It’s the nature of being a human being. We don’t eventually step out of our universe and be entirely unbothered by anything, we learn to exist holding our entire universe inside us. Sometimes rather than trying to approach our entire gallery of things we want to better about ourselves, we can take it easy and just do what we can, with acceptance.
Very important things may come up, and it’s so important to recognise them, but there isn’t an immediate need to have it fixed right away. That’s what alcohol did, put a blanket on it. The new things that arise may also come in waves, and that’s normal. No one has it all totally worked out, because what a dull world that would be.
Sobriety does give us the chance to do our best, and our awareness of these new discoveries is often the first step into handing them, and developing the tools to manage them.
Has anything else come up on your whack-a-mole?
Three tiny things:
- Write a to-do list and a to-done list.
- Journal any emotional shifts you can experienced over the past weeks.
- Go for a walk, and notice the world around you.