Day Seventy Three
Doing a lot of intense reflection, and living inside my brain, means I know myself fairly deeply now. Sometimes I want to just download all of that information and install it into people’s brains when they get to know me, to avoid all of that conversation and getting-to-know-you bullshit.
Then I have to remind myself that the conversation and the getting-to-know-you is actually the joy of meeting new people. You can’t take lasting friendship like a pill. For me, sometimes the connection is instant and I know I’ve met someone special, from which the true gift grows with the gentle revealing of our thoughts, experiences, and characters.
A lot of my rapid and destructive friendships were formed in the midst of a crisis, where we bound together in the flames of trauma. We were boundaryless and intense, and usually it fizzled or erupted. They were often necessary dinghies in stormy weather, but the less of a disaster my life is, the more I like the stable, secure friendships that grow over time.
I have a deep need to feel SEEN and I panic a lot that I am not representing myself in a way that is absolutely perfectly in line with how I want to be perceived, but as soon as I put myself out there I know that it’s out of my hands, and most of the new people we meet don’t have the inbuilt negative perceptions we have about ourselves. All we have control over is showing up as ourselves, and demonstrate who we are in our words and deeds.
How can you approach new friendships in a way that will create stable bonds?
Three tiny things:
- Write down some gratitude in the morning and the evening.
- Say “I love you” to literally anyone or anything, and mean it.
- For at least ten minutes brainstorm on a creative project you’ve been hesitating on or are blocked with.