Day Seventy Two
I’ve felt many ways about disclosure. When I got very excited about my sobriety it was all I wanted to talk about, and would find any excuse to bring it up. Sometimes when I feel more vulnerable in a new person’s presence it’s the last thing I want to talk about, and I want to maintain the illusion that I was “normal.”
This made me realise that I still held the belief that it was not “normal” to be sober. I completely reject the idea of “normal” as I believe it’s absolutely a myth, and when I feel like I’m being judged for not drinking, or I want to judge others for drinking, I try to remember that what is applicable for other people doesn’t have to be applicable to me. I can appreciate other people not having an issue with alcohol, and I want to be around people who appreciate that sober suits me better.
In a lot of my experiences of disclosure I think it’s going to be a big event, where I will be put on the spot and questioned for my reasons, my experiences, and scrutinised in a judgemental fashion. That has yet to happen in reality. In reality, it’s a moment where I state a fact, and in the next few minutes we are usually talking about something different. I try to remember I’m an adult, and I can give as much or as little as I like of myself. When it is comfortable I can perhaps get into more detail, but until that moment all they need to know is that I am sober. A lot of people have been very respectful, and done nice things to make me feel more comfortable, and for some people it barely registers on their radar. Those who were bewildered by it have the chance to either see past it long enough to realise exactly how much better it is than I am sober, or let their own perceptions and relationship to alcohol disallow themselves from getting to know the best version of myself that I’ve ever been.
Are you nervous about disclosure? Or is it not something that worries you?
Three tiny things:
- Dance today, put some music on and just move your body in a way that feels good.
- Write something from the heart, a letter, a poem, an autobiography.
- Say something truthful, whatever that means to you.