When I was drinking I was always trying to show how much fun I was having, so people saw me as “a girl just trying to have a good time” and to convince myself that I wasn’t dying inside.
Giving up the one-woman-party act was a freeing experience, eventually, and finding myself alongside my senses and interests meant I could find hobbies.
The all elusive “what do I do for fun” question has always confused me because I thought it was drinking, until that wasn’t fun anymore. All that left was becoming EXCELLENT at things – which usually pushed my perfectionism into overdrive and stole all joy from it.
Your hobbies don’t have to be things you’re excellent at, they are simply things you can do for fun. Another revolutionary idea for me was that I could try something and fail. I started playing the piano again, after years of cutting myself off from it. I wasn’t as good as I was, but man it felt good to connect to my creativity. It was another way of reclaiming something that was stolen from me. I felt really stupid doing yoga, I’m not really flexible – but I looked a lot less stupid than the stuff I did on a blackout. I really, really tried to knit – but it just isn’t my destiny and I accept that (and only feel a little bit jealous when I see people knitting away, but seriously how do you do it?!)
You are allowed to have fun, and there’s a world of it out there without drinking.
What can you add to your life now that alcohol is not in it? What would you do if you didn’t feel like you had to be the best at it?
Three tiny things:
- Brainstorm hobbies you might want to try. Consider starting a foray into one of them.
- Write a gratitude list for the week – all the big things and the small things.
Write a paragraph on the progress you feel you have made and how you want to build on it going forward.