Day Sixty Four

Day Sixty Four

One of the things I used to miss, and still do miss on occasion, is how alcohol for a brief moment it stopped me from thinking at all. It also made me feel I was absolving myself of responsibility. Sometimes in sobriety I have a tendency to over-think, over explain, and get caught up in things that would usually just pass me by in a hazy blur. Sometimes being an effective partner, friend, and employee means I can expend more energy than I have.

This can lead to some bad days with little energy. When I have little energy, this can mean I try to do all the right things, and they don’t work. Sometimes doing my best still leaves me scowling at the glass of water I know my internal organs will thank me for.

These are the days it’s hardest to be kind to yourself because the energy put in doesn’t seem to match the results we get out. But I believe if you’re still doing your best, and not picking up, you’re still putting money in the sobriety bank. It’s what we discussed in week one, sometimes we just have to hunker down and distract, breathe, and exist. Our expectations of ourselves are flexible. We maybe don’t even have to do. We can just be. We’re human beings, not human doings (my old therapist’s favourite quip) and turning our phone off, putting a boundary in place for that day, and riding out the exhaustion is going to be more effective than trying to drive across the country with fumes in the tank.

Writing prompt:

Have you had any bad/low days so far? How did you react to them? Can you give yourself some space to exist as you are?

Three tiny things:

- Wear something cosy, just because.

- It’s been a while since we’ve got rid of something or deleted something, is there something else you can let go of?

- Review your affirmations, maybe think of some new ones, or recommit to the ones you have.