Day Sixty Three
We’ve talked about how judgement and shame has been a barrier before, in our attempts at things that haven’t been successful, or things we still struggle with. I want to discuss more about the non-judgemental stance today. It’s a skill that fits in with checking-the-facts as well as drawing the line between events and our reactions towards events.
The feeling of emphasising our negative judgements around a certain situation increases our emotional pain. Our pain is real, and I will never say it’s not valid because it sure as hell is valid for me. Our past experiences can also make us interpret things as worse than they are, and our negative beliefs about ourselves can get us stuck in that loop further.
We can make little shifts such as “The weather is awful, and everything is awful” to “It is raining. I’m really frustrated by this, but I can wear my sensible shoes and carry an umbrella.”
We can say “I missed the tube, I’m going to be late, I’m a bad employee and I can’t plan anything” or we can reframe as “I made it too late to the tube, I’m irritated by this, perhaps next time I can leave more time to make space for this. I am going to let my client know, and hope they will be forgiving.”
Can you tell I live in London by these examples?
We can say “I can’t seem to stay sober or enjoy being sober, I think I’m broken and this will never work for me” or we can say “What I was doing before didn’t work, I am feeling hopeless about this, what can I find now that can be different this time.”
It empowers our response to problem-solve instead of getting intoxicated by our emotions, or eventually intoxicated with alcohol.
It leads to greater awareness, and lessens our emotional pain – which allows for all of the work we are doing to shine through and gain more of a stable footing. When I lower my judgement of other people’s actions or reactions it allows more space for me to be empathic towards those around me, and more loving. It also breaks the lie that we are defective and require alcohol to move through the world, and other negative beliefs we have for ourselves.
What would you do if fear of judgement, from yourself or others, was taken out of the equation?
Three tiny things:
- Drink enough water and get some sleep today.
- Make a to-do list and a to-done list.
- Do something silly and fun today.