Day Thirty Three

Day Thirty Three

Boredom is a strange little thing for me. I didn’t know how I could be bored with a thousand things now at my disposal, with newfound energy and hangovers not eating up half of my day. But I still felt stuck sometimes, and I still had that gnawing sensation of wanting to drink to make mundane tasks more “interesting” or tolerable. When I was setting boundaries with social situations, or getting lost in the fantasy of believing drinking gave me a rich, glittering life – sobriety just seemed very boring. Getting lost in my head, and staring catatonically at walls felt like boredom, and I thought boredom was why I wanted to drink.

Looking at it now, the “boredom” was made of my things. It was made of:

1) Procrastination.

2) Fear.

3) Not filling out my schedule.

4) Perfectionism.

I didn’t want to start hobbies or interests, because I felt I wouldn’t be good at them, and then what would be the point? I was scared of doing things I enjoyed - because what if I didn’t enjoy them anymore. I didn’t know how to have a proper schedule, because my life had been a little bit chaotic, and scheduling was either damage control or something I would betray. This left me rudderless, it left me bored.

Tackling these things allowed me to actually enjoy life, and that leaves little room to be bored. As for the situations - work, social situations, housework – that I wanted to drink through to make them go quicker, or deal with the boredom of them: I either tried to find joy in them or took new approaches to them. Or my favourite solution: change them up.

Writing prompt:

How do you react to boredom? Does perfectionism render you stuck in doing nothing?

Three tiny things:

- Think of ways to mix things up. Trying a new approach at work, doing housework to your favourite music, cutting out social obligations that make you feel worse for engaging with them.

- Watch something someone recommended to you.

- Have a cup of tea or coffee, all to yourself. Stay present for it.