Day Twenty Eight

Day Twenty Eight

One of the key features of my growth has been realising the unfair position I put other people in by having unrealistic expectations of them to meet my needs. With my tendency to lean towards chaos or inevitable unfulfillment, I would only consider seeking contentment from people who were entirely incapable of doing so. It didn’t matter how explicit they were in demonstrating that this was an exercise in futility, I would pursue it, like I would a high. It would reach its predictable and disappointing conclusion, and my unseen inner child would console herself with unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Moving towards getting my needs met in safety and intimacy was a scary prospect, because it was trying something new – where I didn’t know the outcome. Seeking satisfaction from untappable potential was a self-sabotage that kept me safe, small, and very, very drunk. There was always the commiseration after another failed romance or blow up with my family where I went to the hardware store to buy oranges.

I couldn’t pretend this was a surprise anymore, and had to change to pattern if I wanted to change my life.

Writing prompt:

What are areas you can realistically get your needs met in?

Two tiny things:

- Breathe consciously for two minutes. See how it makes you feel.

- Consider deleting another number, or a cord to something that will inevitably not meet your needs.