Day Twenty Nine

Day Twenty Nine

Under most of the cries for help from my inner child is a firm lattice of shame and fear. All the expectations I perpetuated, alongside the self-sabotage, escalated negative beliefs that kept me cornered. And I didn’t want to live outside of the corner for fear.

I have never shamed myself into being a better person. Shame for me is condemnation of who I am. It is an immovable state, and for me to recover I need to move from that self-centred inertia. I’ve had to recognise the difference between shame and assessing myself and thinking what I could do differently. Then acting accordingly. When I consider letting go of fear, I realise that I can actually do things outside of my comfort zone to perhaps live a better life.

There’s great joy in it too. I can ask myself; how would I act if I wasn’t so ashamed of my body? What would I bring to this friendship if I weren’t so ashamed of who I was in the past? A shame state would bring my tendencies to over-apologise or people-please. A state of action would help me think of all the things I can do to move into a better place with both of those issues; be a better friend, be kinder to my body. We can want to be better people without being driven by shame.

Writing prompt:

What would it feel like to live without shame? What would you do differently today if shame didn’t tell you weren’t good enough?

Two tiny things:

- Write about, or imagine for five minutes, an alternative life, where you weren’t shamed into quitting something. A dream job, a hobby you liked, sobriety, anything.

- Consider how you can integrate parts of that reality into your life as it is now.