Day Twenty Six
I’ve talked a lot about denying the feelings of my inner child, which was an indirect way of talking to her. The direct ways I spoke to her were usually contemptuous and bewildered.
I spoke to her with the echoes of things I heard: too sensitive, too needy, too strange, too ambitious, not enough, too much. I held that contempt for my very core, so it was no wonder I didn’t want to sit with myself for longer than three seconds without a drink.
Oftentimes the things we were told about ourselves were done by people who didn’t have authority to pass that judgement. We can take away their imaginary qualifications to pass that judgement on our character, and take their voice out of our appraisal of ourselves. If it’s not rooted in fact, toss it out. Change the tape.
There may be truth in the echo, not every childhood message was malicious or unnecessary. I am often overly sensitive and can feel disproportionate emotions to a situation. That does not mean I have to berate myself; it simply means I need to pause and think before I act, or don’t act at all. I can have the space to recognise what I am feeling and act appropriately. I don’t have to intoxicate myself with it.
How were you spoken to as a child? Do you still speak to yourself that way?
Two tiny things:
- Think of some helpful things you can tell yourself when your echo starts to tell you contemptuous things about who you are.
- Reach out to one of your Champions and ask them how they are.