Day Twenty Two
Recovery is defined as:
A return to a healthy state of health, mind, or strength. and The action or process of regaining possession, or control of something stolen or lost.
Inner child work for me has involved taking away all the things that aren’t, and finding what is. Returning to the person I am, and taking back the ownership of my truth.
As someone who has her earliest memories, even pre-alcohol, punctuated by feelings of anxiety and being ill-at-ease I thought that I must simply be a defective human for whom alcohol was a non-negotiable reality. This is one of the strongest lies that alcohol tells me. It created a barrier to actually heal the trauma my inner child endured. On top of that, it actively disabled me from managing the parts of my character that sit a bit wonky and need some care and attention. Alcohol allowed me to put my inner child into the attic, kicking and screaming. The defence mechanisms I curated fractured myself from my true essence, and I lost myself in the process.
I was told recently:
You are going to create the circumstances from which you will take back all that was stolen from you.
To me, this involves growing my inner child. That little version of me who doesn’t feel seen, the girl who feels the need to obliterate a cruel reality - she deserves a chance to thrive. I will take back everything that was stolen from her. I used alcohol to make myself feel the security and ease I lacked as a child, and in the process betrayed her, as alcohol stole those things from me further. Sobriety is how I honour my inner child. It is how I raise her in order to return to myself, with a new and reinvigorated love and acceptance.
Describe your inner child. Likes, dislikes, interests, joys, pains.
Two tiny things:
Say to yourself, I am not lost, I am not broken, I am not defective.
Put you hand on your heart and breathe 20 times.
N/B: I am not a trained psychiatrist or psychotherapist, and cannot reiterate how important it is to do this work with a trained professional. This is just a wee outline of how this has worked for me.